| A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense`s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door." The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn`t." |
| Murder Trial of a 94 year old lady. Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!' Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard. |
Kicks law ? Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property.