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Now that they've retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom.
After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing." -
A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils` answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room.
He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can... and I think can!"
- Praise The Lord A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, "Praise the lord."
This infuriated her atheist neighbour who would always... - Report Card Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...
- Heavily Drunk A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in.
"Damn," he says. "I puked on my shirt again... - Whose Mom!!! Husband: Mom, called me and she is coming tomorrow, her train will reach by 4 O` Clock.
Wife: What! She came just 4 months back... - Ten Best Remarks by a Caddie 10. Golfer: Think I`m going to drown myself in the lake.
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?
9. Golfer: I`d move heaven and earth...
