| One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel comfortable enough to come down. The monkey said, "If you tie yourself up I'll come down." So the lion ties himself up, but as the monkey came down he started shaking. The lion said, "Hey, monkey, you don't have to be scared! I'm not going to eat you; I'm tied up real tight." "I know," said the monkey. "That's not why I'm shaking." "So why are you shaking?" asked the lion. "Well," said the monkey, "it's just that I've never had sex with a lion before." |
| A guy walked into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole. The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball." The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left. Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The monkey found a cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it. Then the monkey found a peanut and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what that filthy ape just did?" "No, what?" asked the man. "Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them." "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He'll eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first." |
Wrong finger!!! 'Are You Paying Attention?'