| A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin mate, there`s no toiletpaper in this one either." |
| An elderly frenchman Decemberides his number could soon be up and its about time he unloaded his sins onto the priest. "Father, during world war 2 I let a woman stay in my attic to avoid the Germans" "My son, that is nothing to confess, fear not, God will be very pleased with you" replies the priest. "Well Father, theres a bit more to it, I said that in return for the attic she must pay me with sexual favours." "My dear son, let it not concern you, for you yourself would have been executed had the Germans found you were hiding her. God will see that it was a small price for the girl to pay, given the mitigating circumstances." Thank you father, I feel a whole lot better now Ive got that off my chest. Theres just one last thing though." "Yes my son, what is it?" "Do you think I should tell her the war`s over?" |
| Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil at his bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move lightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh. Don`t talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I...I have something I must confess to you." "There`s nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.... "Everything`s all right, go to sleep." "No no, I must die in peace, Becky. I...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!" "I know..." Becky whispered softly, "that`s why I poisoned you." |