| Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn`t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she`ll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that`s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny`s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy`s dying!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy`s dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy`s balloons and she`s screaming `Oh God, I`m coming!" |
| In a sunday school class, the teacher asked the students. When you go to heaven, what part of your body will reach first? One little girl said her hands, because when she prays her hands point to heaven. Another girl said her heart, because when she prays, it all comes from her heart. And a little boy spoke up and said his feet would reach first. The teacher couldn't figure this out, so she asked the boy, "How did you come up with feet?" He said, well the other night i got thirsty, so I got up to get a drink. I passed mommy and daddy's room, and mommy was lying on her back, with her feet in the air yelling "GOD I'M COMMING!" But, she couldn't go because daddy was holding her down. |
| Boyfriend: I'm coming to see you honey. Girlfriend: Alright baby. Boyfriend: I love you, I can't wait to see you... I'm getting ready to leave now. Girlfriend: Okay but honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know incase. Boyfriend: My car just broke down, I can't come and see you. Girlfriend: Get your friend to bring you, like he always does. Boyfriend:: He got shot by armed robbers so I can't come, I'm sorry. Girlfriend: Oh never mind, I'm not on my period. Boyfriend:: My friend has just been discharged from hospital and he has said he's okay, he's fine and he will take me now. I'm coming sweetheart. Girlfriend: Sh*t! I'm really on my period, just did not notice. Boyfriend:: Damn! He has been shot again. I can't come!!! |