| Dear Abby:
Q: My husband to be still pines for his old girlfriends. I`m afraid
he will not be faithful.
A: A man`s capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to
increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a
few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you.
Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook
him a nice meal and don`t mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men.
Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just
look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to
his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don`t mention this aspect of
his behavior.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my
sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of
you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being
an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get
some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him
go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook
him a nice meal and don`t mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and
gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His
offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral
sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best
thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn`t know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess
with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you
may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and to sell it on
the Internet. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice
expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love we have no
time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs
rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his
lovemaking is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on
him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband`s efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that
he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the `effort` the
more he loves you. Return this love by buying him a nice, expensive
present, and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do
not love your man as much as you should -- he has to work a lot to
get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it
up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice
meal.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-
hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don`t mention
it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive
present...and don`t forget to cook him a delicious meal. |
