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The sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "F***, missed!" each time he missed. The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn`t take it anymore.
"Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you".
It didn`t make a difference, the sailor continued unabated. One after another, the sailor played badly, and followed up with "F***, missed!!".
Again, the priest said "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign".
It didn`t help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "F***, missed!!".
A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead.
A voice was heard in the clouds "F***, missed!!".
- Urine test... This guy has a pain in his arm and is about to see a doctor, and a friend says, 'You should try this machine down at the drugstore. All you do is give it a urine sample, and it will tell you exactly what`s wrong with you.'
So the guy prepares a urine sample, goes down to the store, puts it in, and... - Condom size ! A 40-year-old man goes into a drugstore, walks up to the girl at checkout #3, and asks her for condoms. She asks for size.
'I do not know' he replies.
So she unzips his pants, takes a feel and... - Iodex !! Santa goes to the pharmacy, walks up to the counter, and tells the druggist, 'I have three girls coming to my place tonight. I have never been with more than one. I need something to keep me sexually aroused.'
The druggist unlocks the bottom drawer and pulls out... - The other hand ! A smart-ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up.
'But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?'
When the students finally stopped laughing, the professor responded... - Obsessed ! A man had passed his 30th birthday and was still not married, so his father found him a nice girl, whom he married. Less than a month later, his father caught him masturbating ...
