| Santa was one of the four persons who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The Company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview. Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair. The next day the first applicant was called in. The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?" He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought." "Why do you say that?" asked the president. "Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an instant, then gone again." "Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president. Next the same question was posed to the second person. "What is the fastest thing in the world?" She paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink." "Why?" asked the president. "Because you don`t even think about a blink, it`s just a reflex. You do it in an instant." The president thanked him. He then called in the next applicant and asked the same question. After hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity." "Why?" "Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on." "I see, very good," replied the president. Now it was the turn of our Santa. So he was called in and the President posed the question. "What is the fastest thing in the world?" "That`s easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhoea!" Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?" "Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps..... and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS......" |
| A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business. Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him. He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?" The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world." The policeman says, "Let me have a look." The man replies, "As I said, it's the fastest thing in the world. If I take the hat off it it will get away." The policeman tells the man, "Take the top hat off and as soon as you do I will catch it." The man replies, "OK if you insist." When the man lifts the top hat the policeman tries to grab it and gets a handful of s**t. "What's this?" he screams at the man. "I told you it was the fastest thing in the world." the man replies, "But you sure scared the s**t out of it." |