| This guy has a pain in his arm and is about to see a doctor, and a friend says, "You should try this machine down at the drugstore. All you do is give it a urine sample, and it will tell you exactly what`s wrong with you." So the guy prepares a urine sample, goes down to the store, puts it in, and the machine spits out a piece of paper that says, "You have tennis elbow. Rest your arm for two weeks." The guy is thrilled and amazed, thinking this machine will revolutionize medical science. Then he starts thinking, this thing is so good, I wonder if I can trick it. So he goes home and makes a concoction with tap water, some of his dog`s feces, and his wife`s urine -- and to top it off he masturbates into the mixture. Delighted, he goes down to the drugstore and puts in the sample. The machine churns around for a moment, and then it spits out a piece of paper that says, "First of all, your tap water is hard. Second, your dog has worms. Third, your wife is a cocaine addict. And fourth, you`ll never get rid of that tennis elbow if you keep masturbating!" |
| Banta had been in the hospital for days. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. One day during breakfast, he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass. In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today." Banta put on his angry face, snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time." |