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    Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, 'John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

    John says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

    'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

    'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
  • Marriage Revenge Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones...
  • Halloween Vamps Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders, "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight...
  • The Euro Tunnel When the British government let out bids for the digging of a tunnel under the English Channel, estimates were in the millions of pounds. One firm asked only 10,000 pounds...
  • Loving Wife I ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling.
    "I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience...
  • Miracle Doctor A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this...
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