| Ian Chappell to Derek Underwood: England slow left-arm bowler Derek Underwood was hit on the hand while batting. Ian Chappell surprised Underwood with his concern. Chappell: How's the hand, which one was it? Underwood: It was my right. Chappell: That's a shame. We were aiming for the left. Ian Botham to Rodney Hogg: As Rodney Hogg bowled to Ian Botham he lost his balance and fell at the England player's feet. Botham: I know you think I'm great Hoggy, but no need to get down on your knees. Glenn McGrath to Michael Atherton: Australia's Glenn McGrath tried out an old Australian classic on England captain Michael Atherton, who fell for it hook, line and sinker. McGrath: Athers, it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat. Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat. McGrath: No, No, the other end. Merv Hughes to Graham Gooch: Hughes had sent several fast deliveries whistling past Graham Gooch, before dispatching the following verbal knockout punch. Hughes: I'll get you a fucking piano you Pommie poofta. Let's see if you can play that. Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting: There's no easier target for a joke than an overweight man, as Dennis Lillee proved with the former England captain Mike Gatting. Lillee: Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps. Bill Woodfull to Douglas Jardine: In the infamous 'Bodyline' series, prim and proper England captain Douglas Jardine complained to Australian captain Bill Woodfull, having just been sworn at. Jardine: Your slip just swore at me. Woodfull: All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard? Phil Tufnell to The Umpire: An angry Phil Tufnell took his frustration out on the umpire after his appeal against Dean Jones was turned down. Tufnell: Are you bloody blind? Umpire: I beg your pardon? Tufnell: Are you fucking deaf as well? Michael Atherton to Ian Healey: Michael Atherton had the perfect reply for Ian Healy when accused of cheating. Healey: You're a fucking cheat. Atherton: When in Rome dear boy... Ian Botham to Rodney Marsh: As Ian Botham prepared to bat, Aussie wicket keeper Rodney Marsh decided to put him off and was metaphorically smashed out of the ground. Marsh: So how's your wife and my kids? Botham: The wife's fine - the kids are retarded. Javed Miandad to Merv Hughes: Javed Miandad called Hughes a fat bus conductor during a match. A few balls later, Hughes dismissed Miandad. Hughes: 'Tickets please' as he ran past the departing batsman. Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: McGrath: So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like? Sarwan: I don't know. Ask your wife. McGrath: If you ever Fucking mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out. Mike Whitney to Ravi Shastri: Shastri hits the ball towards substitute fielder Mike Whitney and looked for a single. Whitney: If you leave the crease i'll break your fucking head. Shastri: If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man. Fred Trueman to Raman Subba Row: Trueman was bowling and induced an edge to first slip but the ball went between Raman Subba Row's legs. The fieldsman apologised. Row: Sorry, Fred. I should've kept my legs together. Trueman: So should your mother. |