| AQUARIUS: Jan. 19 - Feb. 18. You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f***** jerk. PISCES: Feb.19 - Mar. 20. You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dip shit. ARIES: Mar.21 - Apr. 19.You are the pioneer type and think most people are dick heads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick. TAURUS: Apr. 20 - May 20. You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamned communist. GEMINI: May 21- Jun.21. You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest. CANCER: Jun.22 - Jul.22. You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won t be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer. LEO: Jul 23 - Aug 22. You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving muthaf******s and enjoy masturbation more than sex. VIRGO: Aug 23 - Sept 22. You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while f*****g. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps. LIBRA: Sept 23 - Oct 23. You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male you`re probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gains are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease. SCORPIO: Oct24 - Nov21. The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered. SAGITTARIUS: Nov22 - Dec21. You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent.The majority of Sanitarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sanitarians. You are a worthless piece of shit. CAPRICORN: Dec22 - Jan19. You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself. |