Perspective on life according to George Costanza (SEINFELD).

  •  

    The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean,life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What`s that, a bonus?
    I think the life cycle is all backwards.
    You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you`re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you`re young enough to enjoy retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating...then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen."
  • Family`s economoics! Banta`s son is having trouble understanding Economics, so he asks his dad.
    'It`s very simple,' explains his dad. 'Let me make it simpler through comparisons. Since I`m the one who earns for the house, I can be referred to as the Management. Since your mother...
  • Cockpit! A burly good `ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, 'Captain, I want a drink but I don`t see the stewardess around'.
    The steward answers, 'Actually I`m not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles...
  • Squaring off! Santa goes into a very exclusive hotel for a night with a call girl and asks for a room. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning Santa and the girl came to settle the bill and were surprised...
  • Banta in a hotel! Banta pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, Banta looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby.
    He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the...
  • The talking parrot! A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom`s annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT