Identification problem!

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    A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience seeing God, she asked Him if this was "it." God said, "No, I am sending you back. You have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
    Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, a tummy tuck, etc. She even had her hairdresser come to the hospital to change her hair color before she was released from the hospital. She figured that, since she had such a long life ahead of her, she had better make the most of it. She left the hospital after all the operations, and while crossing the street she was hit by an ambulance and was immediately killed.
    Arriving in front of God, the woman demanded, "I thought you said I had another forty years left to live. What happened?"
    God replied, "I didn`t recognize you."
  • Efficiency Expert! Efficiency expert, Banta, concluded his lecture with a note of caution. 'You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home. '
    'Why?' asked somebody from the audience.
  • Measuring Device! Santa was in the dentist`s chair having a root canal done. Every so often the dentist would stick a large toothpick-like object into the tooth`s canal to see how far he had drilled. Each time, this thing caused Santa great pain, but whenever he complained the dentist replied, 'Oh, that doesn`t hurt, it`s just a measuring device.'
  • Banta Reporting! Banta was a photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. Banta arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, 'Let`s go!'
  • I lost me finger! Santa and Banta landed themselves a job at a saw mill.Just before morning tea Banta yelled, 'Santa! I lost me finger!'
  • Rescuing Santa! A group of soldiers arriving in Jammu found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped theinformation given.
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