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    After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably. He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
    After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
    Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
    "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don`t call the one in the second column. It`s me."
  • Things law enforcement officials say: The handcuffs are tight because they`re new. They`ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

    Take your hands off the car, and I`ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

    Remember, when you gotta cuff `em ..nobody is your...
  • Centipede!! The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what`s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can`t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede
  • The chicken and the eggs! Man runs to the doctor and says, 'doctor, you`ve got to help me...my wife thinks she`s a chicken!'
    Doctor says, ' how long has she had this...
  • A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
    Then, without pausing, he downs...
  • Computerized plane! The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
    The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out...
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