| A couple had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, husband kissed his wife and said, "I`m off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, Santa, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don`t know me but I`ve come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I`ve been expecting you," lady said. "Really?" Santa asked. "Well, good! I`ve made a specialty of babies." "That`s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" she asked, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn`t work for us." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I`m sure you`ll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I`d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you`d be disappointed with that, I`m sure." "Don`t I know!!" she exclaimed. Santa opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in Ludhiana." "Oh my god!!" wife exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Santa handed her the picture. "She was difficult ?" she asked. "Yes, I`m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Rose garden to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked the lady, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", Santa said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." she leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?" "That`s right. Well madam, if you`re ready, I`ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??", she looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It`s much too big for me to hold while I`m getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Oh GOd ! she`s fainted!!" |