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An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"
The man asked the doctor, "What`s the problem?"
"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"
"No," replied the man.
"Do you drink in excess?"
"No." replied the man.
"Do you have a sex life?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Well," said the doc, "I`m afraid with this heart murmur, you`ll have to give up half your sex life."
Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?"
- Rehearsal !! Newly married Santa, was discussing his honeymoon.
He says to his buddy, Banta, at lunch, 'Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o`clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves... - Feels good Banta to his wife, Preeto, 'Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She`s got a red and white bra. You know, these are my favorite colors. Anyway, it`s not a big deal but it feels good.'
The next day when Banta come home Preeto asks... - Deserted Island Santa and his wife, Jeeto, had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. New guy and Jeeto are very attracted to each other right away, but realize certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, however, is very glad to see him there.
'Now we will be able to have three people doing... - Heartburn ! A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, 'Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.' The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.
'Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy', again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning... - Contagious A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she`s telling them that the word of the day is `contagious.` She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.
'Rohit,' she says.
Rohit says, 'My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps `cause they`re...