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A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."
- Confusion ! Banta walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on a shelf above the bartender and it said 'Win this...free beer for LIFE!'
Banta walked up to the bartender and asked 'How do I win this golden mug?'
The bartender replied, 'See that drunken man over there? Knock him out in one punch. See that lion? He has a toothache but... -
One hole behind !! Santa was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said 'Can you please help me. I don`t know what hole I`m on.'
She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I`m on 7; you`re on 6.'
Santa thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine, he got... - Which half ? An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, 'Oh oh!'
The man asked the doctor, 'What`s the problem?'
'Well,' said the doc, 'you have a... - Unfaithful ? Banta and Preeto are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Banta says to Preeto, 'I was wondering, have you ever cheated on me?'
Preeto replies, 'Oh dear, why would you ask such a question now?''I really want to know. Please...'
'Well, all right. Yes, 3 times...'
'Three ?... - Rehearsal !! Newly married Santa, was discussing his honeymoon.
He says to his buddy, Banta, at lunch, 'Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o`clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves...