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This woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on.
"Oh, that," he says, "that`s just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings."
The woman is still a bit upset by this and is pondering her position when the screaming starts again. This time it is louder and more blood curdling than before.
She calls St. Peter over again to find out what is happening to the woman now.
"Oh, that," he says, "they`re just drilling holes in her head to attach the halo."
The woman decides that she wants out and tells St. Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell.
"Are you sure you want to go there?" he says.
"It`s a terrible place, you`ll end up getting sodomized and raped and even worse!"
"That`s okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that!"
- Gas Grill Banta and Preeto had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As Preeto was bending over pulling weeds, Banta said, 'Hey honey, you`re getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it`s as big as the gas grill now.'
Banta, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick... - Confusion ! Banta walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on a shelf above the bartender and it said 'Win this...free beer for LIFE!'
Banta walked up to the bartender and asked 'How do I win this golden mug?'
The bartender replied, 'See that drunken man over there? Knock him out in one punch. See that lion? He has a toothache but... -
One hole behind !! Santa was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said 'Can you please help me. I don`t know what hole I`m on.'
She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I`m on 7; you`re on 6.'
Santa thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine, he got... - Which half ? An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, 'Oh oh!'
The man asked the doctor, 'What`s the problem?'
'Well,' said the doc, 'you have a... - Unfaithful ? Banta and Preeto are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Banta says to Preeto, 'I was wondering, have you ever cheated on me?'
Preeto replies, 'Oh dear, why would you ask such a question now?''I really want to know. Please...'
'Well, all right. Yes, 3 times...'
'Three ?...