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Tommy enters the confessional box and says. . .
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can`t be tellin` you, Father. I don`t want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I`m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia ?"
"I`ll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I`m sorry, but I`ll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You`re a steadfast lad, Tommy, and I admire that. But you`ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What`d you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy.
- False alarms An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly... - Nut tree There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,' said one boy.
The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought... - Delayed Monsoon Santa is a store manager. One day he overheard a clerk saying to a customer, 'No, ma`am, we haven`t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn`t look as if we`ll be getting any soon.'
Alarmed by what was being said, Santa rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said... - Banta in a theater Banta lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to Banta, 'Sorry, sir, but you`re only allowed one seat.'
Banta groaned but didn`t budge.
The usher became impatient. 'Sir,' the usher said, 'if you don`t get up from there... - For best results This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets...