-
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal.
So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun.
Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help:
"Now, I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze".
Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks, "Hey what`s the shotgun for?"
"Oh, yes," says Harry, "occasionally when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes back, and if I fall, shoot the damn dog!"
-
Luxury Cruise One day Banta walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: 'You say in this ad that you have a wonderful luxury cruise for only Rs 5000. I want to go on this wonderful luxury cruise.'
The guy behind the counter says 'Sure. Do you have... - Confession ? Tommy enters the confessional box and says. . .
'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Tommy ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the woman you were with?'
'Sure and I can`t be tellin` you, Father. I don`t want to... - Deer hunt ! Santa and Banta go for hunting. Santa has never gone hunting while Banta has huntedall his life. When they get to the woods, Banta tells Santa to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Banta checks out a deer stand.
After Banta gets about a quarter of a mile away, he hears a... - False alarms An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly... - Nut tree There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,' said one boy.
The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought...