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Banta, a construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I`m constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
Banta leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a bat, CRACK, CRACK, CRACK...,and then sends him into the bathroom.
Banta comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation ?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."
- Money in casket There was a man who worked all of his life and had saved his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.Just before he died, he said to his wife. 'Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to...
- The privates ! Tom and Brad have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they`re out for a walk and Tom says, 'Hey, Brad, there`s the Officer`s Club. Let`s you and me stop in.'
'But we`re privates,' protests Brad.'We`re sergeants now,' says Tom, pulling him inside. 'Now, Brad, I`m gonna... - Closest shave! Banta enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
'I have just the thing,' says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. 'Just place this between your... - Excited Zebra! There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm.
The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited... - The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, 'Hey Señor, I would like the world`s best beer, a Corona.'
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, 'I`d like the best...