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A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean"?
Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, " I told you those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them, now don`t ask me about it anymore".
Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather`s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass.
"Grandfather, your dog won`t let me out".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get your butt out of the way"!
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Guard dog! Banta and his wife, Preeto, lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors` houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So Preeto went to the pet store and said, 'I need a good guard dog.'
The clerk replied, 'Sorry, we`re all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he... - The Australian way A woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.
They end up getting married. On their wedding night... - Expecting!! A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. 'You see,' he explained, 'my wife`s expecting.'
'Oh...' said the Officer, 'I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.'
The following week the same soldier was back again with the... - Religious Santa A very religious man, Santa, lived right next door to Banta, an atheist. Santa prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord.
However, Banta`s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas Santa`s... - Expensive doctor! Santa goes to consult a famous specialist about his medical problem.
'How much do I owe you?'
'My fee is Rs 500,' replies the physician.
'Five hundred? That`s impossible.'
'In your case,' the doctor replies, 'I suppose I could adjust my fee to Rs 300.'
'Three hundred for one visit...