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Banta is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don`t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred of trees for you in one day."
So, Banta takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two trees, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for hours and only cut two trees?" Banta asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," Banta tells himself.
So, the next morning Banta gets up at 4:00 in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five trees. Banta is convinced this is a bad saw.
"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer,"
The very next day Banta brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Banta`s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case.
The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which Banta responds, "What`s that noise?
- Drunk Santa Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him.
Santa is briefly surprised then... - Dying wish The company owner is dying and calls in his lawyer and his accountant.
The owner says, 'I am dying and I want to take my money with me. At my funeral put these envelopes in my coffin.'
So at the funeral, the lawyer and the accountant put the envelopes in the coffin. But, on the way home the lawyer felt bad and... - Too fast !! A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.
After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
After about six more weeks, the snail... -
Childbirth ! Santa`s son was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, Jeeto, 'How was I born?'
'Well dear...' said the embarrassed Jeeto, 'the stork brought you to us.'
'Oh,' said the boy, 'and how did you and... - Embarrasing ! A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively.
'Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?'
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, 'No...