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    One afternoon, this blonde drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
    Blonde rolls down the window and says, "How can I help you?"
    "I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?"
    With a smile in his face, blonde hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop.
    A bit irritated, blonde stops, cranks down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"
    "I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?"
    Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of cola and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
    To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, blonde decides to stop one last time, rolls down his window, and yells,
    "Let me guess. You`re the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you want?"
    "Driver`s license and registration, please."
  • Three envelopes Sometime after a man died, his widow, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
    'He thought of everything,' she told them. 'Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. `Honey,` he told me, `I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please...
  • Thoughtful Santa Santa was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife, Jeeto had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.
    He asked God, 'Why did you make her so kind hearted?'
    The Lord responded, 'So you could love her, my son.'
    'Why did you make her so...
  • What`s that noise? Banta is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
    The dealer tells him, 'Look, I have a lot of models, but why don`t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred of trees for you in one day.'
    So, Banta takes the chainsaw home and...
  • Dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
    On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner...
  • Drunk Santa Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
    The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him.
    Santa is briefly surprised then...
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