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    A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn`t understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
    So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
    When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord`s Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn`t understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
    Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.
    Then the preacher said some words that he didn`t understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too.
    Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving.
    When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don`t speak Spanish."
    The missionary recruit replied: "No, I don`t. Is it that obvious?"
    "Well, yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."
  • Fencing!! Three guys were trying to sneak into the Asian Games Village at Busan,South Korea to scoop souvenirs and autographs.
    The first says, 'Let`s watch the registration table to see if there`s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in.'Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states...
  • No risks Santa went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, Santa`s mother-in-law died.
    With the death certificate in hand, Santa went to the Indian Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Punjab, India for a proper funeral ceremony.
    The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Santa...
  • Correct but useless There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.
    He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he...
  • Animal Noises A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
    'Davy, what noise does a cow make?'
    'It goes moo.'
    'Alice, what noise does a cat make?'
    'It goes...
  • Cross-examination Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
    A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
    Q. Officer, who provided this description?
    A. The officer who responded to the scene.
    Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called...
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