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John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do *you* know, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so"
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don`t be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will know"
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again, is it?"
- Stunt plane Santa and and his wife, Jeeto, went to a fair. Santa had never been on an airplane, was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much aride would cost.
'Rupees one thousand for 3 minutes' the pilot replied.
'That`s too much' said Santa.
The pilot thought for a second and then said... - Lawyer`s statue A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, 'The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100.'
The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, 'You`ll be back for... - Silver jubilee Banta and Preeto decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Mumbai. When they entered the hotel and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. Banta brushed her off.
Preeto objected, 'That young woman was nice, and you were so rude.'
'Preeto, she`s a prostitute.'
'I don`t believe you. That sweet... - Accident A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it`s Australia his truck has got a `roo bar` on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo.
Suddenly he hits something, so he gets out and sees that there`s a pig wedged between his `roo bar` and his truck.
He tries to get it out but it`s stuck tight, so he gets on his... - Drunk driving Santa leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he`s stopped by a police officer.
The officer walked up to the driver`s side window holding a Breathalyzer and said, 'Good evening sir. We`re testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?'
Santa replied, 'I`m sorry, I can`t...