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There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.
"Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."
The bartender responded, "I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here."
"Well, you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy, I wouldn`t be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me, look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up."
The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. What is that all about?"
The engineer responded: "Oh...that`s where we put the jack."
- Old Preacher An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the... - Fastest bird ! One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
'Yes you may.'
Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and... - Money bags A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, 'You can`t take it with you.'
After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take... - Nice trade It was a dark, stormy, night. Santa was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A Brigadier stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous Santa snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out 'Sir, Good Evening, Sir!'
The Brigadier, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said 'Good evening soldier, nice night, isn`t... - Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
'You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!'
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes...