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Once upon a time, there were two guys Santa and Banta who wanted to pick up women on a beach.
Banta had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Santa had no success.
Santa: "Banta! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?"
Banta: "Well, I`ll tell you! But it`s a secret....just between you and me. I don`t want my system to become too public."
Santa: "OK. Its a deal."
Banta: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my underwear. When the women see it they come running from miles around."
Santa: "That`s it? I can do that."
The next day, Santa went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his underwear
. As he walked out onto the beach he immediately noticed that women AND men began to take notice of him.
"It`s working!" he thought. But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him.
So, Santa went over to Banta and asked "What`s the problem? Why isn`t it working?"
Banta: "Because you`re supposed to put the potato in the front!"
- Hats Away A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm.
She was bracing herself by holding a lightpost with one hand, and she was holding her hat snuggly against her head with her other hand.
Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing... - Handicapped!! A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver`s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very... - Lack of allowance An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the English man`s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn`t wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily...
- Betting A man was very depressed, and he explained to his friend, Banta, 'I just can`t get over having three balls.'`Three Balls?!?!?!? We can make a FORTUNE together!!!'
'How?', Banta`s friend asked, as a smile returned to his face.
'We`ll go to a bar and bet everyone that between you and the bartender, you have five... - Four balls ! Santa, a recent immigrant to the U.S. attended his first baseball game. After a base hit, he heard the fans roaring, 'Run...run!'
The next batter connected heavily with the ball and our Santa stood up and roared with the crowd in his thick accent, 'R-r-r-un you lazy. R-r-run!'
A third batter slammed a hit and again Santa, obviously pleased with his...