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Banta: "I`m going to become a lion tamer."
Santa: "That`s crazy, you don`t know nothing about no lion taming."
Banta: "Yes I do!"
Santa: "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
Banta: "I`ll take that big chair they all carry, and I`ll stick it in his face until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
Banta: "I`ll take that whip they all carry, and I`ll whip him and whip him until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
Banta: "I`ll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."
Santa: "Well, what if that gun doesn`t work? What will you do then?"
Banta: "I`ll pick up some of the shit that`s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
Santa: "Well, what if there ain`t no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"
Banta: "You ain`t thinkin` none to clear - cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don`t work, there`s going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage. You can bet on that!"
- Banta`s wish Banta walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
Banta says, 'I`ll have a burger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich.
'What`s yours?'
'I`ll have the same' says the ostrich.
A short time later, the waitress returns with the order.
'That will be... - Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.
'Hey bartender' said the Engineer, 'I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there... -
A Deadly Sneeze? Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
'Who was that!?' shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
'I see,' he said, 'I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who... - Old Preacher An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the... - Fastest bird ! One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
'Yes you may.'
Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and...