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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowingin despair, he has his first meeting with The Devil.
The Devil: Why so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I`m in hell.
The Devil: Hell`s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here... Do you drink?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
The Devil: Well you`re gonna love Mondays. On Mondays that`s all we do is drink. Whiskey, brandy, rum, tequila, beer...we drink until we throw up and then we drink some more! It doesn`t matter because you`re already dead!
Guy: That sounds great.
The Devil: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes.
The Devil: You`re going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer - who cares! You`re already dead!
Guy: Wow!
The Devil: Do you gamble?.
Guy: I do.
The Devil: Wednesdays you can gamble all youwant...blackjack, roulette, poker, whatever... If you lose yourshirt...who cares!
Guy: Amazing!
The Devil: You into drugs?
Guy: You don`t mean...
The Devil: Yes, Thursdays are drug days. Help yourself toa great all the drugs that your want! Who cares... you`re dead!
Guy: I never realized Hell was such a swinging place!!!
The Devil: Are you gay?
Guy: No.
The Devil: Ooooh - you`re gonna hate Fridays..
- Breasts A guy goes to see a psychiatrist.
He says, 'Doc, I think I`m hung up on women`s breasts.'
The psychiatrist says, 'We`ll see. I`ll give you a quick word-association test. I`ll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind.
The doctor says, '2 Eggs.'
The guy says, 'Boobs... - Old couple An old widow and widower get married. They are up there in age, and the romance, engagement and marriage was quick. They hoped they had enough strength to live through their wedding day and night.
After the marriage ceremony, they retire to a nearby hotel. Both are very nervous. Cautiously they begin to undress... -
A witch Santa and Banta had been without sex for several years, so they decided to visit a whore house.
When they arrived at the whorehouse, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn`t going to waste any of her girls on these two stupid and funny looking guys. So she used 'blow-up' dolls instead. She put... - Placement !! Once upon a time, there were two guys Santa and Banta who wanted to pick up women on a beach.
Banta had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Santa had no success.
Santa: 'Banta! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?'
Banta: 'Well, I`ll tell you! But it`s a... - Right rhythm ! On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent`s house to visit her 95 year oldgrandmother and comfort her.
When she ask how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on...