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There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi`s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi`s pay situation. As you can imagine there was much yelling and bickering.
Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also `acts of God`, but we wear rubbers!"
- Have a nice day? There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it.
So Wendy said, 'Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker.'
John couldn`t back out on that one, so he went to the Tattoo Parlour. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an... -
Gambling!! It`s 10:00 PM at a gambling casino. Two bored dealers, our Santa and Banta, are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table.
A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet Five lakh rupees on a single roll of the dice. Santa and Banta agree.
She says, 'I hope you don`t mind, but I feel much luckier when I`m... - Elastic band Concerned about her relationship, Jeeto approaches her doctor and says, 'Doc, I`m getting married this weekend and my fiancée thinks I`m a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?'
The doctor says, 'Medically, no, but here`s something you can try. On the wedding night, when you`re getting ready for bed, take an... - Fridays!! One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowingin despair, he has his first meeting with The Devil.
The Devil: Why so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I`m in hell.
The Devil: Hell`s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here... Do you drink?
Guy: Sure, I love to... - Warnings !! Banta applied to join a nudist club.
'Exactly what do you do here?' he asked.
'It`s quite simple,' said the club secretary, 'we take off all our clothes and commune with nature.'
'Cool,' said Banta, '...count me in!!!'
So he paid his membership fee, took off his...