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    Once there was a beautiful woman all alone on Christmas Eve. She stood in a see-through black negligee, holding a crystal cup, and drinking the best wine. Candles were lit on the tables and silk stockings hung over the mantle. Santa comes sliding down the chimney and starts to put things in the stockings.
    She clears her throat, shimmies her shoulders, and says, "Santa would you like to stay a while?"
    Santa looks her over and says, "Ho Ho Ho got to go, lots of toys to deliver you know."
    She slips her left arm out of the negligee, exposes her left breast, shimmies again, and says, "Santa would you like to stay for a little while now?"
    Santa looks her over again and says, "Ho Ho Ho got to go, lots of toys to deliver you know."
    She slips her right arm out of her negligee, exposes both her breasts, and says, "Santa would you like to say now??"
    Santa looks her over and says, "Ho Ho Ho got to go, lots of toys to deliver you know."
    Frustrated and desperate, she slips the gown off, and stands naked in the candlelight. She shimmies again and says, "Santa would you like to stay for a little while now??"
    Santa looks at her and says, "Hey hey hey got to stay, can`t get up the chimney this way!"
  • Trash hubby... A woman and her lover are having sex. Someone knocks on the door.
    It must be my husband! Ok, I`ll handle this.
    She grabs the trash bin, opens the door and smiling sweetly says to her husband:
    Darling, please, empty the trash.
    While he is out, the other man...
  • Ticklish issue A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made 'Tickle Me Elmo dolls.' It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
    On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because...
  • Act of God There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi`s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
    After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided...
  • Nugget of gold In a South American mining district, Mrs. Brown presented her husband with a 12 pound baby boy. Mr. Brown was so delighted that he went to the News office and told that he had found a 12 pound nugget of gold as good as any to be found in South America. The paper, naturally, sent a reporter to get particulars. This is what happened:
    Reporter-Does Mr. Brown live here?
    Mrs.Brown-he does.
    Reporter-Is he..
  • Have a nice day? There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it.
    So Wendy said, 'Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker.'
    John couldn`t back out on that one, so he went to the Tattoo Parlour. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an...
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