| Two ship captains, Santa and Banta were sitting at the bar. Santa turned to the Banta and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they`re fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it`s a wonder any work is getting done, and it`s making a mess all over the ship. I don`t know what to do!" Banta smiles and said, "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold." "Well that`s a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I`m out a bag of gold every trip!" "Not so," replied Banta. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time." Santa pondered this and the next day, he took Banta`s advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel. When they finally reached port, Santa sold the barrels for a huge profit. He was very happy. This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship returned back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, Santa was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, Santa cried out, "What`s the meaning of this?!" "You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?" "Sure," said Santa. "What about them?!" "Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!" |