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Banta was getting ready to close his bar for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.
He yells to Banta, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"
The scared Banta pleads, "Don`t shoot, please! I`ll do as you say!"
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"
Banta says, "Okay, okay! Just don`t shoot, I have a wife and kids! I`ll do whatever you say!"
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the Banta`s head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!"
"Anything!" cries Banta, "Just don`t shoot!"
Banta starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun.
Banta sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! Somebody might walk in!"
- Excited Santa Once there was a beautiful woman all alone on Christmas Eve. She stood in a see-through black negligee, holding a crystal cup, and drinking the best wine. Candles were lit on the tables and silk stockings hung over the mantle. Santa comes sliding down the chimney and starts to put things in the stockings.
She clears her throat, shimmies her shoulders, and says, 'Santa would you like to stay a while?'
Santa looks her over and says... - Knotted rope One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks with a sly grin, 'What are they doing honey?'
The husband answers, 'They`re roping!'
She replies, 'Oh, I see!' while trying to hide her knowing expression.
After a few more hours of driving they... - Trash hubby... A woman and her lover are having sex. Someone knocks on the door.
It must be my husband! Ok, I`ll handle this.
She grabs the trash bin, opens the door and smiling sweetly says to her husband:
Darling, please, empty the trash.
While he is out, the other man... - Ticklish issue A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made 'Tickle Me Elmo dolls.' It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because... - Act of God There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi`s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided...