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Two guys are driving through Alabama, when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The Trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the Trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why`d you do that?"
The trooper says, "You`re in Alabama, son. When I pull you over you`ll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I`m sorry, officer, I`m not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy`s licence, and he`s clean. He gives the guy his licence back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What`d you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you`re gonna say, `I wish that jerk would`ve tried that shit with me.`"
- The biggest miser! One day, Santa, Banta and their friend walked into a bar together. They proceeded to each buy a drink.
Just as they where about to enjoy their drink, three flies landed in each of their drinks.
Their friend pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
Banta fished the offending fly... - The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is retty, but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing.
The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then... -
Dead Friend Banta and his friend are out in the country shooting rabbits. Suddenly, Banta`s friend falls right in front of him, throws a quick spasm, then lies perfectly still. He doesn`t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. In fact, he looks pretty well dead!
Quick, as a flash, horrified Banta whips out his... - Talking parrot! Santa`s wife, Jeeto, goes into a pet store one day.
She says to the clerk, 'I need a pet to keep me company.'
'Well,' replies the clerk. 'How about this nice parrot? He`ll talk to you.'
'Hey, that`s great.' She likes the idea and buys the parrot and takes him home.
Next day, Jeeto comes back to the pet store. 'You know, that parrot... - Suicide Three high steel building workers break for lunch and sit down high above the city.
First worker opens his lunch box and complains, 'Not lentils and rice again today, Every day, lentils & rice, lentils & rice. If I have lentils & rice again tomorrow I will throw myself from this building.'
Second worker opens his lunch box and exclaims...