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Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler`s trainer comes to him and says, "Now don`t forget all the research we`ve done on this Russian. He`s never lost a match because of this `pretzel` hold he has. Whatever you do, don`t let him get you in this hold. If he does, you`re finished!"
The wrestler nods in agreement.
Now, to the match . . . the American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He can`t watch the ending.
Suddenly, there`s a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eyes just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian`s back hits the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapses on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer is astounded. When he finally gets the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answers, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You`d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"
- Waxing issue Two ship captains, Santa and Banta were sitting at the bar. Santa turned to the Banta and said, 'You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they`re fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it`s a...
- Excited Santa Once there was a beautiful woman all alone on Christmas Eve. She stood in a see-through black negligee, holding a crystal cup, and drinking the best wine. Candles were lit on the tables and silk stockings hung over the mantle. Santa comes sliding down the chimney and starts to put things in the stockings.
She clears her throat, shimmies her shoulders, and says, 'Santa would you like to stay a while?'
Santa looks her over and says... - Knotted rope One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks with a sly grin, 'What are they doing honey?'
The husband answers, 'They`re roping!'
She replies, 'Oh, I see!' while trying to hide her knowing expression.
After a few more hours of driving they... - Trash hubby... A woman and her lover are having sex. Someone knocks on the door.
It must be my husband! Ok, I`ll handle this.
She grabs the trash bin, opens the door and smiling sweetly says to her husband:
Darling, please, empty the trash.
While he is out, the other man... - Ticklish issue A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made 'Tickle Me Elmo dolls.' It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because...