-
An Irishman named Darren went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Darren in the eye, and said, "I`ve some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can`t be cured. I`d give you two weeks to a month to live."
Darren was shocked and saddened by the news but was of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor`s office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting.
Darren, "Well, son. We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don`t go so well. In this case, things aren`t so well. I have cancer, and I`ve been given a short time to live. Let`s head for the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Darren old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Darren told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.
Darren told his friends, "I`ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave Darren their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, Darren`s son leaned over and whispered his confusion.
"Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer! You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Darren said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don`t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I`m gone."
- Basic training Santa was in Telecom deptt. before joining the army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor was very upset with him.
'What`s the matter with you?' asked the Drill Instructor. 'Why can`t you... - No lawyers please A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.'Hello mate,' says St. Peter, 'I`m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.'
'What?' exclaims the man, astonished.
'You heard, no Lawyers.'
'But, but, but, I`ve been... - Longest weeks A bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, 'We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.'
Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment.
Then the leader said... - One Wish Family is driving in their car on holidays. Frog crosses the road and husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices... - Bar Riddle Santa took a trip to Sydney, Australia. While in a bar, an Autralian on the next stool spoke to our Santa in a friendly manner.
'Look,' he said, 'let`s have a little game. I`ll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I`ll buy you a drink. If you can`t then you buy me one. OK?'
'Yeah, that sounds pretty good,' said Santa.
The Australian said, 'My father and mother had one...