Roughest and Toughest

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    One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
    "I`m lookin` for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker," he said to the bartender.
    "We got her," replied the bartender. "She`s upstairs in the second room on the right."
    The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers.
    He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I`m looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker."
    The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
    Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
    "How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.
    "I don`t replied the hooker. "But I thought you might want to open those beers first."
  • Pushed it in!!! Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
    His father sees it and says, 'Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?'
    'But Dad, it wasn`t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled...
  • Fascinate!! A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
    Mary said, 'My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted the word `fascinate`.'
    Sally raised her hand.
    She said, 'My family went to the Zoo and...
  • Defective Parrot Santa decides that maybe he`d like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn`t have any feet or legs.
    Santa says out loud, 'Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
    'I was born this way,' says the parrot, 'I`m a defective parrot.'
    'Ha, ha,' Santa laughs, 'it sounded like this parrot...
  • Hitman!! One morning, Banta approached the first tee, only to find another guy approaching from the other side. They began talking and decided to play 9 holes together.
    After teeing off, they sat off down the fairway, continuing their chat.'What do you do?' the guy asked.
    'I`m a salesman...
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    'What`s wrong?' he asks.
    'Promise you won`t get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I`ve got a pretty pussy.'
    'WHAT?' Banta shouts.
    With that Banta grabs a hockey stick from the cupboard and...
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