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A 300 Kg man walks into a doctor`s office. This doctor is known for his unusual but effective methods. The man says, "Doctor you must help me. I have tried everything. I just cannot lose this weight."
The doctor hesitates for a minute. He finally looks up and says, "The only thing I can do is to sew your mouth shut and teach you to eat from your butt."
The man agrees. He returns one week later to have the procedure. Six months pass and the patient returns to have the stitches out.
The doctor says, "Now return to me in 1 month for a post-op checkup."
The patient agrees and loses an astonishing 100 kg. One month later, the patient returns for his post-op checkup. As the patient sits down in the chair, the doctor notices the man is twitching his butt up and down. He lets it go and continues his examination. After one hour of watching this man twitch his butt, the doctor can`t take it anymore.
He finally says, "Mr. Charles. I have concluded that you have a nervous tick in your butt as a result of your operation."
The man thinks, laughs out loud and says, "Doc, that ain`t no twitch. I`m chewing gum. Wanna see me blow a bubble?"
- The Only Pleasure! A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes. The salesman says, 'But, sir, I can see from up here you`re at least a size 11.'
The guy says, 'Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe.'
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain.
The salesman just has to ask... - Fruitful trial! Three men who were lost in the jungle were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.'
The king then explained the trial to him... - Too tired!! Alicia was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman`s work.
But one evening Alicia arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and... - The Fireman! Santa is a fireman and one day when he came home from work he told his wife, Jeeto, 'You know we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we are all on the truck ready to go.
From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed, and when I say Bell 3... - Banta goes hunting Banta bought a new rifle and he was too excited. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: 'You`ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.'
Banta decided to bend over...