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A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don`t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I`m actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".
"I am actually 47" This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it`s done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."
- Snoring cure!!! A woman had a big old German Shepherd that snored so loudly she could never hear her soap operas in the afternoon. Over coffee one morning she happened to mention the problem to her neighbor, who leaned over and whispered confidentially that she had just the solution.
'The next time it happens, tie a ribbon around his... - Banta`s guests Three guys were driving down a country road when their car broke down. Luckily, they were near Banta`s farm. They went to him, and asked if they could spend the night there, while the tow truck came.
Banta said, 'Fine, but I better not catch any of you fooling around with my beautiful wife.'
To insure this Banta secretly shoved a... -
Bad day! Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, Santa was met at the door by his sobbing wife, Jeeto.
Santa asked, 'What happened? Why are you crying?'Tearfully she explained, 'It`s the druggist- he... - Chewing gum!! A 300 Kg man walks into a doctor`s office. This doctor is known for his unusual but effective methods. The man says, 'Doctor you must help me. I have tried everything. I just cannot lose this weight.'
The doctor hesitates for a minute. He finally looks up and says, 'The only thing I can do is to sew your mouth shut and... - Going on Date! A guy was at the local dance and he asks a girl to dance.
'OK,' she replies.
'What`s your name?' he asks.
'Franny,' she replies.
'That`s a nice name, Fanny,' he says.
'NO, NO, NO, it`s Franny, Fanny with an R.'
'OK, sorry,' he replies and they...