•  

    Banta has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.
    He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
    They start necking and Banta is getting pretty excited.
    Banta starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she`s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
    "Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"
    "EEEEyyyyyyeeeew!" she screams. "I`m not putting that thing in my mouth!"
    Banta says, "Well then, how about a hand job?"
    "I`ve never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
    "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your friend with it?"
    She nods.
    "Well, it`s just like that."
    So Banta pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ears and he screams out in pain.
    "What`s wrong?!" she cries out.
    "TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!"
  • Painful!! So this lady elephant is walking along the forest, when she gets a sliver in her foot. It`s really quite painful, so when she sees this bunny rabbit on the forest floor, she asks him to pull the sliver out.
    The rabbit says, 'Okay, but if I do this favour for you, you have to promise to...
  • The Father!!! A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
    The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn`t wear his collar like that.'
    The priest looked up from his book and answered...
  • Guess my age? A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, 'I hope you don`t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?'
    'About 35,' was the reply.
    'I`m actually...
  • Revenge! A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
    'Certainly, sir, that`ll be 1 cent.'
    'One penny!?' exclaimed the guy.
    The barman replied, 'Yes.'
    So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks...
  • Snoring cure!!! A woman had a big old German Shepherd that snored so loudly she could never hear her soap operas in the afternoon. Over coffee one morning she happened to mention the problem to her neighbor, who leaned over and whispered confidentially that she had just the solution.
    'The next time it happens, tie a ribbon around his...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT