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    An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
    "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
    They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
    He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
    The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
    Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
    The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."
  • Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again, there was no one at the door.
    He scratched his head, looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny...
  • New Priest The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
    The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
    The old priest says...
  • Johnny and the Pastor One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and...
  • Conveyance in heaven Conveyance in heaven Three guys die and go to heaven.
    The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, 'In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?'
    The guy thinks a moment then says...
  • Wrong bitch An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
    The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being...
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