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Banta was sitting on a park bench muttering to himself and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, "Damn, that son of a bitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that son of a bitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that son of a bitch can drive", then spit.
Santa sits down next to him and asks, "What's going on? You keep saying, 'Damn that son of a bitch can drive', then you spit".
"Well", says the guy, "My friend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say sure, why not?
He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains. After we have lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes go out!! He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking up speed and the road is all twisty and curvy. We're going faster and faster and it's hard to stay on the road. I've got my fingers embedded in the dashboard, and I'm pleading with him to do something!! We're going about 80 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500 foot drop on the other side, an 18 wheeler right on our ass, and an overturned motor home right in front of us. Well, I figure this is it! I just knew we were gonna die! So I turn to him and said... 'Buddy, if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blow job you've ever had!'"
He paused. Then spit. "DAMN, THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN **DRIVE**!!"
- Body heat! An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
So the daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and he said... -
The Marathon Man A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting every docker he sees that his guy can make love to 100 women in a row, without pausing, and satisfy them all.
Bets are made, and they agree that they'll meet the next day. The next day... - Turn on the heat! There once was a conservative college in the mid-west that had a standing rule, the heat was not to be turned on in the dormitories (hostel) prior to a certain date.
Unfortunately, one year, winter decided to rear its ugly head early. Students in both the men's and women's dormitories complained about the bitter cold, but... - Smart Marwari! A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it.
So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car... - Dyslexic nurse Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Rosy and decided to hire her.
She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse...