Environmentally conscious

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    In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
    The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished.
    He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."
    The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
    The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.
  • Brave Captain! Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!'
    The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some...
  • Job interview A man was being interviewed for a job.
    'Were you in the service?' ask the interviewer.
    'Yes, I was a marine,' responded the applicant.
    'Did you see any active duty?'
    'I was in Iraq for two years and I have a partial disability.'
    'May I ask what...
  • Too accurate! Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
    One of them asks the guard, 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?'
    The guard replies, 'They are 3 million, five years, and...
  • Getting better! A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his.
    After a little while of thinking she asked, 'Grandpa, did God make...
  • Hired to worry! Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous Banta who ran a small business that he had started himself.
    'I need someone with an accounting degree,' Banta said. 'But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my...
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