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    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
    Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
    "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
    "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
    "Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"
  • Environmentally conscious In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
    The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished.
    He turned to the other two men and commented...
  • Anger and exasperation A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, 'Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?'
    The father replied, 'It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.'
    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed...
  • Brave Captain! Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!'
    The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some...
  • Job interview A man was being interviewed for a job.
    'Were you in the service?' ask the interviewer.
    'Yes, I was a marine,' responded the applicant.
    'Did you see any active duty?'
    'I was in Iraq for two years and I have a partial disability.'
    'May I ask what...
  • Too accurate! Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
    One of them asks the guard, 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?'
    The guard replies, 'They are 3 million, five years, and...
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