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    The man of the house finally took all his family's disabled umbrellas to the repair shop.
    Two days later, on the way to his office, when he got up to leave the streetcar, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him.
    The women cried, "Stop, thief!" and rescued her umbrella, which covered the man with shame and confusion.
    The same day, he stopped at the repair shop and received all eight of his umbrellas duly repaired.
    As he entered a streetcar with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold the lady of his morning adventure glaring at him.
    Her voice came to him charged with withering scorn, "Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!"
  • Alternate sport! Santa and Banta met at the club for their weekly golf game.
    And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
    Banta: Well, Santa, what do you want to do now?
    Santa: Badminton?
    Banta: Nah.
    Santa: Shoot some...
  • Environmentally conscious In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
    The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished.
    He turned to the other two men and commented...
  • Anger and exasperation A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, 'Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?'
    The father replied, 'It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.'
    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed...
  • Brave Captain! Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!'
    The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some...
  • Job interview A man was being interviewed for a job.
    'Were you in the service?' ask the interviewer.
    'Yes, I was a marine,' responded the applicant.
    'Did you see any active duty?'
    'I was in Iraq for two years and I have a partial disability.'
    'May I ask what...
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