Australian marriage

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    All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.
    "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!"
    Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him.
    "What's the problem?" he asked.
    "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father.
    The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers.
    A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled, "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!"
    As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked, "What happened to make you change your mind?"
    Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer."
  • Science Professor! A student visited his old school, 20 years after his graduation, and met an old Science professor of his.
    The professor happened to be grading exam papers, and the student was surprise to notice that the questions were exactly the same as they were...
  • Wrong number! The worried Preeto sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
    'How are you, darling?' she said. 'What kind of a day are you having?'
    'Oh, mother,' said Preeto, breaking into bitter tears, 'I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the...
  • A beautiful thing! My god! What happened to you?' the bartender asked Richards as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
    'I got in a tiff with Martin.'
    'Martin? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised...
  • Desire to steal! 'Mr. Jacobs,' the analyst said, 'I think this will be your last visit.'
    'Does that mean I'm cured?' he asked.
    'For all practical purposes, yes,' she said. 'I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where...
  • Original offer! The bartender asks him 'What'll you have?'
    The guy answers, 'A scotch, please'.
    The bartender hands him the drink, and says, 'That'll be five dollars.'
    'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this'.
    A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation...
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