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A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God
"God? You there, God?" he asked.
"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.
"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.
"Go ahead, my son, anything."
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."
The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Sure, give me a second."
- Biggest lie! A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn.
'Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?'
'Nothing much, Pastor,' replied the one lad. 'We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life.'
'Boys, boys, boys... - Delicious gift! Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, 'I built a big house for our Mother.'
The second said, 'I sent her a... - Fishing licenses! Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, 'Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.'
'We... -
Dead horses! The Major went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, sweating heavily.
'Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but... - Prayer A farmer was in town at noon and went intoa a restaurant for a hamburger and french fries.
When he was served, he quietly bowed his head and gave the Lord thanks for his food.
Some rough-looking fellows at the next table saw him and...