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    Little Johnnie's parents had tried everything to help his math grade: tutors, flash cards, "Hooked on Math," special learning centers, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
    The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Johnnie was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back up to his room without a word and studied some more. This went on for weeks until Little Johnnie proudly brought home his report card and showed it to his parents.
    An A in Math!
    "Johnnie! This is great! I'm so proud of you! Son, what was it? What helped motivate you? Was it the nuns?"
    Johnnie shook his head.
    "Well, then, was it the books? The discipline? The structure? The uniforms? What?"
    Johnnie looked at her and said, "Well, Mom, it's like this. When I saw that guy out in the lobby nailed to a plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around!"
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    After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband...
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    'God? You there, God?' he asked.
    'Yes. What is it, my son?' God answered.
    'Mind if I..
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    'Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?'
    'Nothing much, Pastor,' replied the one lad. 'We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life.'
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